Happy Retirement

Final Belly Pic - 37w0d

Now that I've posted the somewhat "sugar-coated" Birth Story, I'm going to rewind a little bit and share the not so glamours part of our delivery experience.  Why, because I think it's important for those surrogates following my journey(s) and also because I know many of you were worried about me in the days following.  This is no doubt going to be long but a lot transpired that I want to share.

After all day monitoring Friday without any food, not even as much as an ice chip I was mentally wearing down.  All day they watched my blood pressure - just waiting, waiting, waiting for it to spike to 170/110 for immediate delivery.  I was anxious to see the numbers rise because I wanted to deliver but scared at the idea of dangerously high blood pressure.  Around 9 PM it became apparent that it wasn't going to happen and the OB wanted to continue to wait for my morning labs and/or my 24 hr urine collections to show the need for delivery.  Everyone was sent home.  My night in the hospital hooked up to monitors and an IV was long and restless.  The automatic BP cuff went off every hour and with each squeeze of my arm I'd check the monitor and my BP actually went back into what would be considered my normal range overnight. 

Morning came and still no word, no food, no water, no ice chips.  My nurse wasn't for sure but thought my OB was leaning towards delivery, just waiting on the confirmation of my labs.  I told my husband, IM & IF to make their way back up to the hospital by 11:00 AM so we could await results together.  After contacting them all - I cried, almost an ugly cry - I was beat. It was so frustrating not knowing the plan. I let them all know not to be surprised if I was a mess when they came up.  I was just so tired, hungry, uncomfortable and out of sorts.  I know my IPs felt awful for me, I'm usually such a positive and easy going person but enough was enough.  

Shift change came and my new nurse for the day Laura introduced herself.  Along with her bright smile came the news that the OR was ours at 11:00 AM. My blood work had shown increased levels of liver/kidney enzymes. I was hit with a huge sense of relief, then a quick moment of panic - I had just told everyone to be here at 11:00 AM and with a snowstorm outside if they didn't head over soon they'd be late!! (Although I was reassured that they wouldn't proceed without everyone) A quick text went out to let them all know that they should get up there without delay, it was BABY TIME!!!

After awhile IM/IF and my husband all joined me and with much anticipation we waited ... then we waited a lil more because we got bumped.  No worries, we took the extra time to say hello to a few of IM's family members that came up.  Adrenaline was flowing but I was still pretty tired at this point, we decided it would be good to give me a few quiet moments before the delivery.  Everyone left the room and I put in my earbuds to stream some relaxing music.  I closed my eyes and that's when the instrumental version of " A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri came on. The moment was emotional as I felt my belly buddies movements from inside - for the very last time.  My thoughts drifted to my IPs, past and present, who awaited this very moment for so long.  The heartache, the sacrifice, the acceptance, the trust, the anticipation ...

Time stands still

Beauty is all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

All along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

Everyone reassembled and then it was time, time for J&W to meet their babies.  I was taken back to the OR first and given my spinal, I was draped and IPs brought in.  The delivery as I described in my previous post was exciting.  J&W were over the moon that their BOYS had arrived.  They were perfect in every way.

Proud IM with Archer (L) & Emmet (R)

IPs left the OR with their precious lil bundles in arms and off to the nursery for assessments and skin to skin time.  Back in the OR I was being closed up and prepped to head over to recovery.  My OB commented on how thin my uterus was, not really a surprise seeing as it had grown nine babies which included two sets of twins.  She finished up and within a few minutes the OR staff was down to a few nurses making notes and counting instruments and as well as the anesthesiologist.  They began to move me from the table to a cot to transfer me to recovery when suddenly, I began to hemorrhage.  The room became tense, my OB rushed back in and what was just moments ago only a few nurses multiplied into a team of at least a dozen or more.  Instructions were being called out, meds administered, blood ordered .... I knew what was happening yet remained calm. I felt safe, I felt at peace with the possibility that I could very well need hysterectomy.  Ultimately my OB decided to place a balloon in my uterus to help control the bleeding and thankfully that got it under control - now we just had to wait and see if I continued to remain stable.  Eventually I was moved over to recovery, during my duration there I received two units of blood and they closely monitored my bleeding as well as my blood pressure which was now extremely elevated - those 170/110 numbers I talked about earlier were surpassed which means I would later need to be given anti-seizure medication.  All this while Jason was in and out of the recovery area getting small little updates on my condition.  I know those types of situations make him incredibly uncomfortable, so I told him to stay nearby but not too close for comfort.  Eventually I was moved but instead of going to the Mother/Baby unit as usual, I went back to L&D for skilled nursing care and to stay close to the OR - just in case they had to take me back in.

I was meet in my L&D room by Jason and best friend Daisy, by now it's close to 6:00 PM several hours since surgery.  They continued to check my vitals and bleeding, and at one point they became concerned again and cleared everyone out of my room while the doctor was called back in.  Thankfully everything was back under control and that's about the time they started my magnesium sulfate, the anti-seizure med that I'd be on for the next 24 hours due to the preeclampsia.  By this point I felt like shit; vomiting, numb, headache, and pale.  I got more meds to calm the nausea and was started on pain meds that left me feeling incredibly tired and just plain out of it.  IPs did come by to check on me, they had been very worried.  I wish I could have reassured them then that I would be fine but really I didn't know, and I certainly didn't look fine that's for sure.  

Shift change came and the nursing staff continued to keep a watchful eye on me through the night. Jason stayed with me as well and then into the next day (Sun).  I was relieved come morning to see a familiar face as I was again going to have Laura for my nurse who had been with me the day prior.  She really made me feel like I was her top priority with her attentive care.  I spent the day restricted to the bed, still not allowed to eat and doped up on pain meds - time dragged on yet seemed like it passed so quickly too.  At some point I wasn't even hungry anymore.  Unlike my normal self I was disconnected from the world.  I felt too awful to make phone calls, return texts or post updates online.  The mag sulfate was effecting my eyes and I couldn't focus, and then I got a killer headache.  Not sure if that was due to the eye strain, not eating, the meds themselves, maybe even the HBP.  It hurt.  Jason went home to be with the girls and my mom came up to tend to my bedside. Finally, around 3:00 PM more than 24 hours after delivery they started to deflate the balloon of saline that was in my uterus in small increments to be sure the bleeding was still under control.  Around 6:00 PM it was out, my cath was out and I finished my final IV dose of mag sulfate - I was a FREE woman!!!  It was time to move over to Mother/Baby unit and continue the recovery process there.

Things were slow going and I was exhausted but, I finally got to meet and hold the babies and visited with J&W in my room for awhile.  They were just so very precious and Mom and Dad had fallen instantly in love with their sweet boys.

Surro-twins - two days old

The rest of my time in the hospital went as it should with the exception of having my BP monitored closely and being put on Rx meds to keep it in check.  I had several members of the nursing staff and all three OB's who provided care to me over the course of the pregnancy and during the delivery stop in to tell me how very fortunate my outcome was.  I knew at the time it wasn't good, but hearing the professionals say this when this is what they do day in and out made me so very grateful for their quick actions and for the amazing care and attention they gave me.  Thank you Dr. K, Dr. M, Dr. G, Dr. B and a big thanks to to my L&D nurse Laura, who was there through the worst of it, and the many others involved in my care.

As my warning to the surrogacy community;  Please, understand why so many experienced surrogates will warn against perusing surrogacy before your own family is complete. You just never know.  I was at peace knowing ultimately what the outcome could be.  My advice to you, be sure you would be too.  The risks are very real.

I was told subsequent c/s recoveries are easier and I totally agree.  Since coming home I feel stronger each day and the healing process has gone exceptionally well.  I'm providing breast milk for E&A just as I have my other surro-babes so, the round the clock pumping keeps me busy.  I've been able to spend some time with IPs and their new additions on several occasions already since all coming home and the boys are already changing.  Mom and Dad are getting use to the new schedule and Big Brother is adjusting to having two new baby brothers.

So now I close a chapter.  Jason and I had already decided that this would be my final journey but the outcome of this delivery has also sealed my fate physically - I am now a retired surrogate.  I feel so very blessed to have had the amazing experiences that I have.  Eight years, three families, five beautiful children. Jason, the girls and I have gained lifelong friends - extended family - through this amazing experience and I can't express how grateful I am for that.  I often hear what a blessing I am, an angel etc but these relationships have been just as meaningful to me.  Besides the emotional rewards, surrogacy has also afforded my family and I some wonderful material blessings we wouldn't have had otherwise.  A huge thank you to my IPs, past and present, for everything!

I intend to continue to update so this isn't the end but, I am closing a chapter and starting a new one.  I am excited to see what lies ahead as I refresh, renew and refocus my attention on the family that inspired my passion to help others - my amazing husband and four lovely daughters.

My heart is full -
XOXO

Babies Are Here !!! (Birth Story)

Not sure how it's possible but the last couple of days have been a whirlwind, yet also the longest ever at the same time.  I'm going to tell about the day leading up to their arrival as well as their birth story here now, and share separately my experience in the moments and hours after delivery in another entry.  So, first I'll start with the important details ....

On November 21st, 2015, Emmett Gregory (Baby A) entered the world and was 6lbs 5 oz and 19 1/2 inches at 2:00 pm.  Just moments later at 2:02 pm Archer Timothy (Baby B) who was 7lbs 4oz and also 19 1/2 inches joined us.  Babies were born at 37w1d via cesarean section healthy and alert making J&W the very happy proud parents of twin BOYS!  Congratulations!!! 

As I shared in my last post, on Friday (37w0d) I was admitted to the hospital for observation.  We were all very hopeful that it would be "baby day" as I called IM and then both my husband Jason and IF out of work. After getting up to the hospital they ran labs and decided to start a 24 hour urine collection and monitor for pre-eclampsia.  Throughout the day there were mild signs that my my BP was rising but nothing definitive enough to warrant immediate delivery - so we waited.  Around 9 PM on Friday we were told since I was stable nothing was going to happen overnight so, I sent everyone home for a good nights sleep while outside the skies were heavy with the snowflakes of the years first winter storm.

I had a very long night; hospital bed + round the clock monitoring + being very uncomfortably pregnant with twins = no sleep.

Just after sunrise on Saturday morning, blood work was run and before the 24 hr urine collection/results were processed it was obvious my condition was going to get worse before it got better so, since the only cure for pre-eclampsiais is delivery -  it was go time.  I excitedly called everyone to let them know we were being put on the OR schedule and to get everything in order and head up to the hospital. I was oblivious to the winter wonderland outside but after digging their way out and making their way down the slippery streets as the snow continued to fall, Jason as well as J&W all arrived at the hospital around 10:30 am.

A lot of excitement and silliness was in the air as we waited for the next instructions.  Members of J&W's families came into say HI and wish us all the very best of luck and then made their way to the family waiting area, all very anxious and excited.   Finally around 1:00 pm doctors and nurses stopped in my room to give instructions and answer any questions, shortly after I was taken back while J&W suited up in scrubs.

This was my second c/s so I was a bit more prepared for what was ahead.  As I plopped my backside up on the operating table waiting for my spinal I looked around and took everything in.  They kept reassuring me it was all going to be ok, when really I was just curious - not nervous.  The spinal went in and within moments my feet, legs and all the up to my chest went numb.  I was draped and readied as J&W were brought in and given their place to stand.

The OR and NICU teams were great explaining at each step what was happening.  It only took a few moments and then - the world around us all changed as the first baby was delivered.  Mind you IPs did not know the gender of either so, when the doctor presented them with baby and announced, "It's a BOY!" there were squeals and tears of happiness.  The next baby was ready to be delivered and the OB thought it would be fun to have the team bring baby over to the warmer where J&W got to look and announce to everyone the gender of the second baby, "Another BOY!".

I loved watching and hearing all this unfold there in front of me - it's the moment we surrogates look forward to the most.  The moment that truly makes them a family - finally all together - falling in love with precious little people that seemed like only a dream when this journey began for J&W over 3 years ago.  And also in those same few moments, my beautiful journey as a surrogate was complete.  It's bittersweet but I know it doesn't end here, because from these experiences I have gained lifelong enduring friendships with the three families I've helped.  I can't wait to explore the next chapter as these precious baby boys grow in the arms and hearts of their parents, family, and friends -  just as Giovanni and Ryan and Mason have.

IPs and babies - 2 days old

Love you all  ~

Com'n Babies

Week 37

37w0d (Friday) - Spent the day with J&W being monitored at the hospital.  BP has been elevated but not high enough to warrant delivery.  I've been admitted and likely here for the duration but since all is stable for now, everybody else has gone home on this snowy night in hopes to get a good nights sleep.  Night, night .... keep ya posted.

The Countdown Continues

36 weeks

36w0d (Friday) - Wow, I can't believe we made it to 36 weeks!  I was convinced these babies would be here earlier than my last surro-twins yet here we are just a couple days away from that.  Of course things could change quickly so IPs are still on high alert and we are all ready come go time.  I'm going to get a pedicure over the weekend to give some attention to these tired swollen feet - maybe a little layman's reflexology will do the trick to get things going if my body is ready.

36w1d (Saturday) - Woke up this morning feeling pretty rested despite spending a good portion of the night on the couch.  The girls and I headed out to run around to morning activities (piano & gymnastics) and then home to do some light housework.  After all that I was exhausted and ready for a nap.  Later in the day bestie Daisy came and picked me up, she was my chauffeur for errands and then out to dinner.  It was nice to get some of my running done that I'd been putting off and wasn't sure I'd get in before babies arrived.

Nothing new on the baby front.  Tomorrow will mark the same gestation that I went into spontaneous labor with last surro-twins.  However, there was one big difference about that pregnancy. Last time, Baby A was vertex or directly head down putting pressure on my cervix whereas this time, Baby A is more transverse, laying across the bottom of my uterus and Baby B is breech similar to shown here in the picture.  This could very well be what keeps them in longer than I expected and really at this point there is no chance in them changing position.  As long as they're comfy we'll just keep on going taking it one day at a time.

36w2d (Sunday) - Hi!  Still here. That's all I gotta say about that.

36w3d (Monday) - Never in a million years did I think I'd carry these babies longer than last surro-twins but I have.  I had an NST today and after getting stubborn Baby B on the monitor all went well.  Good accel/decel episodes and a couple small inconsistent contractions.  My BP has been elevated for what's normal for me the last two appointments so I'm supposed to keep a close eye on any possible Pre-E symptoms that could come up like headache, seeing spots, pain in my chest etc.  Besides the annoying headache that lasted a few days back two weeks ago now, I haven't had any of those issues.

My days are good, I do what I can and rest when I want, but the nights are long.  It's hard when you have a 6-8 hr stretch in front of ya where you know you should be sleeping, but just can't and you're up every 1-2 hours for this or that.  Sometimes I'll get up and use the bathroom, then head back to bed - fall asleep - but when I get back up again I realize only about 15-20 minute have actually passed.  I'm still dealing with the all over body itch I mentioned a few weeks back, it's enough to drive ya crazy!!! Soon, very soon.

36w4d (Tuesday) - I posted this on my Facebook page, thought I'd share it here too.  I can't wait to experience these emotions again and share them with J&W as they welcome their lil ones.

Couple Welcomes Baby After Decade Long Wait

36w5d (Wednesday) - This about sums it up ...

36w6d (Thursday) - I had another long night of contractions last night, but again they fizzled out.  Started around 11pm, at 1am I decided to shower and try and get some rest which didn't work out too well - contractions were causing round ligament pain so I was having a hard time getting comfortable.  My plan was to time contractions and not wake the "team" until 5am as long as they reminded mild.  They were about 8-10 min apart from about 3-4am but I was so tired I found myself falling asleep in between them .... eventually they must have went away because I was woken up at 6am by my alarm clock.  Although frustrating that they went away, going up to L&D in the middle of the night was not really ideal either.

Today I had an OB appointment and J&W were able to join me.  I was glad we were all able to meet up face to face with the doctor before the big day arrived.  Babies looked beautiful on the NST as well as the BPP u/s.  They were doing some great practice breathing and fluid levels were within the norm.  They are hanging in there and apparently nice and comfy.

My weight has been fluctuating a lot lately due to water retention/edema.  The other thing my OB has been noticing is my BP creeping up over the last couple of weeks.  I usually sit around 110/70 and today's BP was 138/88, anything 140/90 is considered pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH) and reason for concern.  I also had +1 protein in my urine.  Initially Dr. K mentioned doing 24 hour urine collection to monitor but decided to go right to blood work that will check for liver & kidney function as well as platelet levels - all indicators of the severity of PIH.  Depending on results, our c/s could get moved up without hesitation.  Preeclampsia is not something to mess around with and can have a negative effect on both babies and my health.  I'm not showing any other symptoms (blurred vision, headaches, etc) which is good but that doesn't mean the risk isn't there.  I'm anticipating getting results tomorrow and we'll know more about the timeline then.

The Countdown

I think it's safe to say, we have arrived to the Final Countdown.  Breaking things down day by day until babies come ....

35 Weeks

35w0d (Friday) - I thought maybe, just maybe today was the day but, after several hours of mild contractions - a lil over a minute long each that started at 20 min apart and got as close as 10 min apart - they fizzled out.  This delivery will be a repeat c/s, however it won't be schedule until we've reached 38 wks and I'm convinced I'll go into labor before then.  Now that we're past 34 weeks, if contractions kick in that start to make cervical change (dilation) or my water breaks they'll take babies right away but otherwise - we wait.  We very well could have a few of these false starts over the next few days, or weeks.

Last night we had made plans to go towards the suburbs for my best friend and fellow surro-sister Daisy's birthday, but decided after a day of contractions it was best to stay local.  We had a nice dinner downtown to celebrate.  I'm lucky to have such a great friend who's always there either for a laugh or to lean on.  I couldn't imagine this journey through motherhood, surrogacy, and just life in general without her.  Happy Birthday Daisy!!

Surro-sister Bump Pic

35w1d (Saturday) - I started the morning off talking to IM on the phone and checking in for the day.  It's been quiet and uneventful.  There have only been a few random BH like contractions here and there.  For not doing much today I'm feeling pretty swollen though - face, feet and everything in between.  I'm keeping my legs elevated and drinking tons of water but the swelling is inevitable at this point.  I did fit in a nap while watching a movie with the girls so I'm feeling rested.  It's about that time of day when babies get really active and then once they settle down for the night I'll hopefully get in a couple of good stretches of sleep.

35w2d (Sunday) - Another day down.  All was pretty quiet, I had a very low key day and trying not to antagonize my achey body.  The girls and I went to my parents house for dinner and it was so nice to not have to worry about a meal for the night.  I'm so very lucky to have a great support system to help in these final weeks/days.

I just wanted to share this picture that IM posted.  This is their lil guy doing some driveway art - a pic of their family.  I can't wait for these babies to be in their arms. 

35w3d (Monday) - I think my status has officially become human incubator.  LOL  I'm not able to do much else right now other than grow babies - I remember reaching this point last time as well. I did get adventurous and walked to the mailbox at the end of our circle driveway today.

35w4d (Tuesday) - Well, looks like another uneventful day.  My feet started to swell in the last week or two when I'd be on them for long but now it doesn't make a difference, they're swollen all the time.  It looks worse than it is, they just feel a little tight and itchy.  Hey, at least now I have a good excuse to wear my beloved flip flops into fall.  Overall not a bad day but, so very ready at the same time though.

35w5d (Wednesday) -  Today I saw my OB and , nothing too exciting happening unfortunately.  First I had u/s and babies looked good.  Racked up all their BPP points.  Then it was on to NST and OB. BP & urine ok, my weight was up significantly from last week thanks to water retention. I had two mild and one decent contraction while on the monitor  - Baby B didn't like the strong one and had a decel in HR setting off the alarm, but recovered quickly - so Dr. K wasn't concerned.  Since we were doing the GBS test today and she was gonna be down there anyway she went ahead and checked me and I'm sitting at 1 cm and Baby A is high yet.  I've never been one to dilate much before labor starts so not surprised.  Next week I have an NST Monday and OB with u/s and NST on Thurs ... assuming babies aren't here before then.

35w6d (Thursday) - Nothing much happening here.  I've been laying low the last couple of weeks to ensure babies made it to at least 35/36 weeks but I think it's time to get moving as much as I can again to convince them they should come out.  Based on my history, I'd assume something would happen on it's own here soon but, we do have an official c-section date if not.  Babies will be joining mom, dad and big brother at the latest Friday 11/27 at 7:30 AM.  Two for one special on Black Friday!!  I'm very hopeful however that these lil turkeys are here, and even possibly home already, for the Thanksgiving holiday and don't make us wait that long.

Just Hanging in There

It's 3:00 AM and I can't sleep, seems like a good time for some Law & Order and an update right?

Yesterday we had what will likely be our final MFM appointment.  It started with an NST which babies were very cooperative for and both looked lovely.  We then made our way to u/s to get a peek at how these two "lil" ones are growing.  Unfortunately babies weren't very photogenic, their position prevented us from getting any great pics but the tech was able to get all the necessary measurements to make an estimate on their size.  As of now (34w6d) Baby A is estimated to be 5lbs 13oz and Baby B 6lbs 2oz - and they may have more time to grow yet!  Of course these late term u/s can sometimes be off by a pound or more either way but since they've consistently been in the upper percentiles, I'm guessing they'll both be good sized.

My very good friend Daisy, who sees IM on a regular basis, outed me and told her how miserable I've been.  It's true, it's been a little rough these last few days.  I actually text IM the other night and told her that her babies wanted to come home. LOL  Besides just being very pregnant, I've been super itchy these last couple of weeks.  My OB ran some additional labs to rule out something such as chlolestasis - which thankfully checked out ok.  I'm thinking it may be an allergic reaction to the new acid reflux med I'm on so I'm going to try eliminating that and see if it helps.  I also had a headache that's not intense but has lingered for a few days and Tylenol hasn't helped much.  It's not that it's all that bad but in addition to everything else it's been frustrating.  Yesterday was a pretty good day though and that's all I can do, take it one day at a time.

In promising news ... in the last 12 hours I've had my first timeable contractions of the pregnancy.  Mild contractions are a good sign that my body is getting ready.  The ones from last night fizzled out and went away but reappeared just a bit ago (could've been what woke me up in the first place). So, for now we just keep an eye on them and if they kick in and get stronger or become more frequent, we'll head in for some monitoring.  Today (Friday) marks 35 weeks, which is average gestation for twins, and although I'm willing to keep them in here longer if needed - I'm ready when they are!!!