Beating the Baby Bust Blues

Well nothing takes care of the disappointment of a failed cycle like a new plan. I was very excited to get an email from Carrie our IVF coordinator with information about our next try. Since stopping all meds after the disappointing beta news, my period arrived right on time and last week I was instructed to start BCP immediately to synch K and I up for a fresh cycle. I'll start Lupron this upcoming Saturday and IM will begin her protocol soon too.

The new calendar has the egg retrieval tentatively set for June 21-25th with transfer to follow between June 24-28th.

Mother's Day with Mixed Emotions

As I come to visit my blog on this Mother's Day I have mixed emotions. I'm overjoyed to know A (FIM) is celebrating today with Giovanni toddling around - I'm sure keeping her very busy. Playing a part in that miracle makes my heart full beyond words. I am saddened of course that K (IM) didn't get better news this past week but I am hopeful that when next year comes around she too will have the title of mom-to-be or even Mom on this very special day.

To all the moms in waiting, the moms-to-be, the birth mothers, the mommies with angels in heaven, the mothers of children young and old, the grandmothers, great-grandmothers, aunts, surrogates, teachers, child care providers and any women who has played a special role in the life of a child - may you be blessed.

It's Never Easy

I went in for blood work this morning, I waited over an hour for what should have been a two minute appointment, all for the news I/we'd been expecting - negative. It's never easy to hear even when you know it's coming. I feel so awful for my IPs and I worry that this failed attempt might have taken away the confidence surrogacy had given my IM - this was supposed to be their answer. Of course we'd all hoped it would take one try and they'd never have to hear those disappointing results ever again.

Instructions are to stop all meds, I should have a period within the week and then we wait till my next cycle to begin the process all over again - my guess would be moving ahead early to mid June for a July retrieval and transfer. I assured K I'm here and ready for whatever is to come. Thank you all for your encouragement and concern.

Since it may be awhile before there is another update I'll leave you with this surrogacy playlist I put together and shared with IM earlier this year. At first I was going to post just a song - but really all of them are fitting for this point in the journey. Much love to my IPs.

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One Step At A Time

Things aren't looking the best for this cycle - still getting negatives (9dp5dt). To say my IM is disappointed is an understatement. Although this is our first cycle together this is their fourth IVF attempt - without any infertility insurance coverage. I know there is still the slight chance we could see a "miracle" but I've resigned to the reality that we may be back at square one. K&S only had the two frozen embryos from an egg retrieval she underwent in February. We were still too early in the process of working together to transfer to me at that time - it was supposed to be a "test cycle". However, since the embryos looked so good when they were vitrified (frozen) - we [RE, K&S, myself] thought there was a good chance we'd be successful with them and that IM might be able to avoid another retrieval. Well these embryos didn't thaw the best and we were given a 30% chance of success - the lowest statistic of any cycle they've ever done. The cost associated with each cycle is staggering and it's beyond frustrating for K&S that doing this transfer with a surrogate - that was supposed to increase the chances - the odds were actually decreased. The official beta (bloodwork) will be drawn on Friday.

It's An Obsession

I should know better, once you start testing it takes over your every thought and you lose ALL will power. I broke down late Friday night which was technically only 4.5dp5dt - which is very early - and I haven't stopped since.

36 hours ...

4 tests ...

Still waiting and staying hopeful.

Of course if I do see those coveted two lines my IPs will be the first to know and only after that and with their permission will I mention it here so you all will just have to wait too.