I just thought I would share a few of my thoughts. I wanted to get them down in case I later wanted to reflect on them.
On the online surrogacy community that I belong to, there has been a lot of discussing about IP involvement and relationships at the time of delivery and beyond. It has left me thinking long and hard about my expectations and with contracts coming up soon I want to be sure I can express my feelings before we officially embark on this journey.
These are my thoughts......
I've learned in the last few days that I will need my time for closure after the birth. It isn't that I need time to grieve, I am excited beyond words to give A&T the baby they so want and can't wait for that moment, but I will likely need some time to say goodbye alone. It is important that we establish that I will be given access to the baby(ies) while in the hospital and I will be allowed a little time with him/her/them by myself as well.
I know my profile left things pretty open when discussing later involvement. I requested updates but tried not to sound to "high maintenance". Ideally I would love as much contact as possible, I like the idea of being open especially considering we live less than 2 hours from one another. I think I requested frequent early communication (and my IPs stated the same) that will taper off to less often as the child/ren grow. I do however want to know that if I am thinking of them and want to send of an email, make a call or plan a visit that my request for contact will be accepted warmly.
I am hoping to let our relationship develop spontaneously and naturally. I believe and agree with what others have said that if you weren't likely to be friends prior to the surrogacy that it may be hard to maintain a real friendship however, through The Rockford Moms Group I belong to and help organize, I have become great friends with women I typically wouldn't have probably been inclined to seek as friends. Our bond though motherhood has connected us. I think with that in mind our relationship could and hopefully will blossom into a friendship beyond delivery and last for years to come. However, if that connection isn't there I don't want to force it either.
As I said, there has been a lot of talk regarding this subject and everyones insight is really helping me understand what it is I want. I am realizing that although I don't want to sound needy that I do need to be upfront with my expectations to avoid any disappointment later on. Thanks again AAS.
2 months ago