Onward and Upward

I figured an update was in order.

Last week was rough, I won't lie - I'd never experienced that kind of a letdown. I couldn't even complete a task like cleaning the litter pan without bursting into tears - "I'm supposed to be pregnant for K&S and shouldn't be allowed to do this!" I can only imagine how IM felt, this being one of many disappointments they've experienced on their journey to parenthood. We were all so optimistic that this was it and the "fun" wait was about to begin.

IM and I have been keeping in touch. We've shared our disbelief, disappointment but also continue to stay positive and hopeful. K had made the comment that she was selfishly glad I was here to go through this with her - to which I said that's not selfish at all, I'm glad I can be here. For years I've had a place in my heart for couples struggling with infertility and I choose to do this in hopes to share this burden and ease the pain and struggle. I knew there was no guarantee that it would come easy, even for me a mother of four and experienced surrogate.

The clinic has been monitoring my hCG levels. Last Friday they had dropped to 24.1 and shortly after getting these results I began to bleed - a sure sign that I was returning to "normal". They repeated bloodwork today and the levels are down to 0 again. As awful as this past week has been I'm really thankful that 1.) our RE requested the 3rd beta, otherwise we'd be walking into an u/s about now only to experience what I'd imagine to be an even bigger letdown 2.) this was just a chemical and not a more complicated miscarriage. As crappy as it's been it could be worse.

This isn't over yet. Infact a new plan is already in the works and we hope to move ahead with another cycle in the fall (Sept/Oct). Having this to look forward to has helped ease the disappointment and hopefully it won't be long before excitement sets in again. We may go into it a bit more guarded but even still, it's hard not to think of the possibility of it all coming together for them soon.