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About Me

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Caledonia, Northern Illinois, United States
I am a Thirty-Something mother of four beautiful girls. My love for them, and the joy I've experienced during this crazy ride called motherhood, has inspired me to help make the dream of a family become a reality for couples through gestational surrogacy. I've proudly helped A&T, as their lives were forever changed when they welcomed a son in April 2010 and K&S were blessed as parents in Sept 2012 when we welcomed their twin boys. I completed my final surrogacy journey Nov 2015 when I helped a wonderful local couple J&W and Big Brother add their family with the birth of twin boys. I am so very fortunate to have wonderful relationships with each one of my surro-families and continue to share in their lives.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

This Isn't Happening

I can't even believe it. Our 3rd beta brought the worst news ... it's a chemical. Basically it's a very early miscarriage before a heartbeat can even be detected. Sometime within the last few days the embryo stopped developing and the hCG hormone levels present in pregnancy began decreasing and the pregnancy was no longer viable. I don't even remember the number even though I had the nurse coord. repeat it. I just recall hearing 127 or something like that ... then blah blah blah ... stop meds, repeat labs Friday ... blah blah blah. So sad.

K heard the news from me but the delivery of those words were so impersonal - in a text. I hated sharing it with her that way but she's out of state at a conference and unable to take calls or listen to voicemails so earlier today she had asked that I text today's results when I got them. After I got the news myself I simply told her to call me when she could, which of course she knew wasn't good and asked what was happening. I could have sent a text saying a million times "I'm sorry" and it wouldn't have been enough.

Short term game plan ... stop meds and repeat bloodwork to be sure my hCG continues to decline. After that, I imagine it's a matter of getting up the courage to try again ... or at least I hope.

13 comments:

Jesse said...

I'm so very sorry for you and your IP's :( Prayers for you all!! Hugs too!!

rarejule said...

So sorry. Hugs all around!!

Heidi said...

Oh No!!! I'm so sorry for you and the parents. How heartbreaking. I really hope you get another try at this. Hang in there.

Bev (Yo Momma) said...

I know you have the courage to do whatever you have to and it sounds like Kristen is a lot like you. That's probably why you two bonded so quickly. It will happen...in God's time. Like I said with your former IPs, God knew their baby before he was born and it was a matter of getting the right combination to make Baby G. The same here...it will all work out. LOVE YOU!!

Jennifer said...

I am so very sorry for you guys! I know you are heartbroken, and your IP's are probably feeling somewhat devastated since they shared the early good news with their family and friends. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and say everything will be OK. But, in time, you all will figure out what your next steps will be, and I hope its to give it another try!!! BIG (((HUGS))) to all of you my friend!

one faux mommy said...

so sorry to hear that tiffany! *hugs*

Surrogate, Single Parent and Dating... said...

so so sorry girl...I hate that for everyone involved. Hang in there and keep your head up. Know you did the best you could and in time, it will all work out.

Andrea said...

Hugs to you, sweetie!! So very sorry.

Shan said...

I remember how I felt after my own chemical pregnancy ended in November '09. The pressure on me was a self-imposed timeline and not wanting to disappoint my husband. So, not the same as what you're going through, but I feel for you all all the same.

Hugs.

ellensgems said...

SO sorry for the IPS how disappointing...........

Im sorry but IM sure God's plan is for you to help them It just takes more time I guess

Its all on God's time not ours :( not easy Im sure

tasha said...

Very sad to read this news, Tiffany! Many thoughts going out to you and your IPs. *hugs*

Bridget said...

With all the chaos of our move I didn't even see this here or on fb. Tiffany I'm so incredibly sorry! I pray for strength in the process and for another try.

Kristen said...

Heartbreaking =( I'm so very sorry and send many prayers & hugs to you all!