You wanna know why?

A friend I'd lost touch with that had stumbled upon my blog suggested I give a little background and explain why I choose to be a surrogate. I'm not sure I can even really put into words the passion I feel in my heart but I'll do my best to give a brief history.

For years I've thought it would be so very neat to be a surrogate but thought it was something women did for a friend or family member. I'd watched the Lifetime movies and TLC stories and was touched but I was content to wait to see if that moment ever came that someone I loved needed me.

Well the opportunity presented itself and I was very excited to think about the possibility. My brother began dating a woman who had a partial hysterectomy due to endometriosis and the conversation arose between my mom and brother about me being their gestational carrier "if" they ever chose to have children. I started doing some research despite the fact that neither my brother or his girlfriend ever spoke directly with me about it. Not long after this all came about we got pregnant with a child of our own and I didn't give much thought to it again. Our daughter was born, and as time passed my brothers request fizzled and seemed less and less likely to ever come to fruition.

About the time Isabelle was 6 months old I happened to stumble across an agency website and began to really ponder doing this for strangers. Jason, who wasn't very supportive of me doing it for my brother was strangely enough very supportive of pursuing the process with the help of an agency. We talked about it a few times and not long after that I was getting in touch with Zara at Family Source Consultants. Honestly I think at this point he was just happy I didn't want to have anymore of our own children.

Well...that is in a nutshell what lead me to this point and I'll continue by describing why I ultimately decided to seriously pursue my dream.

My motivation comes out of passion and a heartfelt sincerity for those that can't have children of their own and some of it comes from my own personal desires.

Over my years as a member and host at Parenthood.com, a popular parenting message board, I meet some wonderful woman struggling with infertility. I always felt so helpless, only able to offer prayers of comfort and words of hope. Being a surrogate is enabling me to be proactive and do what I can to ease the heartache of someone longing for a child. I am so passionate about that aspect of the journey and can't wait for the day that God willing, A&T are holding their new son or daughter. The emotional aspect of this journey is just amazing to think about.

From another perspective, I've loved the last 14 years of my life building a family and am a bit saddened to think that part is over but, at the same time have no desire to have more children. This opportunity is perfect for fulfilling that void left there. I have been fortunate to have easy and enjoyable pregnancies, even deliveries for that matter, and can't wait to go through it all again. I'd struggled for years with the thought of either Jason or I undergoing a sterilization procedure (permanent birth control) however, now knowing I get to continue this part of my life I am now 100% comfortable with it. We did just that almost two weeks ago, hubby had the "snip snip" and I can say for the first time I had no reservations knowing what the future holds.

Not only do I get to fulfill part of my yearning but financially this will make a huge impact on my family as well. When the compensation issue comes up some get a bad taste about it all but I try not to think of it that way, I know it can be touchy for some. When it all boils down the money is trivial to the big picture but it does certainly play a part in the experience. This will provide us the means for me to hopefully stay home with our girls for the next few years while putting away money for college and enjoying time as a family in ways we've never been able to before. I'll mention at this point that I'm already thinking about doing this again, perhaps multiple times which will ultimately help in acquiring those goals.

I could go on and on...there really is so much more on my heart that has prompted me to do this. I feel very honored to be a part of this. My IPs speak of how blessed they are to have me and how grateful they are but truthfully I feel equally blessed and am so excited to be doing this for them.

I can't wait to move to the next step, we've only got contracts left to do and then there is no stopping us.

This really is a dream come true for me, and I get to help someone else fulfill their life long dream too....it really is a beautiful relationship.

Match Meeting....we shall see!?!?!

Well, DH and I got home not to long ago. Things went well at our meeting with the IPs. We did a lot of chit chatting over the two hours and the consultants from the agency were there to facilitate the conversation and ask questions and keep things moving.

I have a very good feeling and hope they do to. The IM and I were both crying at one point so I think that is a good sign. IF was very friendly and did the majority of the talking, very outgoing. She however seemed a bit reserved but after we talked about that (how quiet IM was) she confessed she is just a bit apprehensive about getting too excited. Their struggle with infertility has been 5 long years and there have been several surgeries resulting in getting no where so it is understandable for them to be cautious.

I was also a bit quiet, which is unlike me, but I think I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. I just didn't want to blab to much about my own children or how wonderful my pregnancies/deliveries were for fear of sounding insensitive. I know right now "A" would do anything to be in my shoes and I wanted to respect that. I can't even begin to imagine the mental process one goes through to decide to let another woman carry your child and relinquish the dream of being pregnant. It must be a hard place to be. So, I waited for them to ask the questions instead of spilling my guts. I imagine that feeling lessens as you begin to really know one another, but it was a bit awkward during this first meeting. Certainly not something that makes me second guess the match, I think time will remedy it.

I am hoping to hear something by late morning or early afternoon so I'll let you all know.

It really wasn't that hard once we got talking and I am positive they got to see the true me. However, I think they hit it off even better with DH. Maybe they will want him to carry the baby.

Moving Right Along

Well, it's on to the next step. The IP couple that have been viewing my profile over the last few days have decided they want to meet with me. I am super excited about this news and after looking at their info I think they will be a great fit for me too.

A&T are in their early 40's, so a bit older than DH and I, but seem to enjoy a lot of the same things we do like food (who doesn't), wine, theater and film. I am looking forward to meeting them and seeing if we make a good connection.

They've struggled with infertility, after the diagnosis of fibroids and several surgeries resulting in uterine scar tissue making implantation nearly impossible they've decided to pursue surrogacy. I'm hoping that I can help them achieve their dream and give them a bundle (if not two) to welcome into their family. I feel excited and honored to join in this partnership with them.

Our tentative date to meet is in two weeks (November 6th). With all this moving along so quickly it could be early next year when we put everything into motion. That could mean a baby in 2008, can't wait to be praying for babydust and stickyvibes!!!

Oh the wait!!

Again, I have to remember to not get too excited. Having potential IPs view my profile doesn't mean anything really but I can't help but be happy about it.

My profile went out to the IP couple in Chicago today. The IM is out of town and won't be back till Thursday...ugh...so at the earliest I will get news back Friday.

I am keeping my fingers crossed. It would be so exciting to find a match right away. Of course I have to agree to work with them too but the agency consultant seems so optimistic. Her email today said.... "I think you guys we'll be a wonderful match -- I'm crossing fingers!" I'm keeping mine crossed too.

In the Beginning

Well, I feel like yesterday my journey officially began.

The consultant (Zara) from Family Source Consultants and I met at a restaurant at a halfway point between my location and hers. I had to track about an hour towards Chicago but it wasn't too bad.

She was very friendly as I had expected. We mostly talked about marriage, family, daycare....all the ins and outs of my life. Then of course we also talked about surrogacy....I had some questions for her, she had some for me.

We got down to the details as she explained the entire process and what it entails, medical and psych evaluations, fertility drugs and injections, retrievals and transfers, Dr appointments and of course D-day too.

She has 3 different IP couples in mind for me. One is right here in the Chicago area which would be great and convenient. The other two are from out of state, on in Missouri and the other in Minnesota. This would require some travel on my part but should still be workable.

She is hoping to contact these couples in the coming days and present them with my profile. She said several times during our meeting that she is certain they will place me with IPs, it is just a matter of getting the right match.

Seems like things moved really quickly. Just one month ago I was contacting them about my interest and now here we are working towards finding IPs. It is all very exciting and I can't wait for more news.

This has been in the fore front of my mind all day long. As with most things that I become passionate about I can see myself getting drawn in to the process, craving all the knowledge, support and insight that I can. I am thankful to have found AllAboutSurrogacy.com (AAS), what a great resource. I also happened upon the journal of the surrogacy agencies consultant that I met with yesterday. It is very interesting to look into the lives of the IP/IM/IF and gain insight into their journey as well and how they came to decide on surrogacy. I can't wait to read more experiences from IP and GS/TS alike.

All the family and friends I have told so far about my/our plans have praised me, told me how unselfish I am, giving, honorable and amazing. I have heard a lot of "God Bless Your Heart" and other such comments. I guess I just don't see it. I am not anyone special, I most certainly am not amazing that is for sure. I only want to give to a couple what they deserve, to feel the touch of their child's skin next to theirs, wipe the tears from their eyes when they are sad, hear them laugh and the chance to love someone more than they could ever imagine. I want to give the gift of life, the experience of parenting, and the joy of having a family. These are the things I most cherish in my own life and I want to pass that along so others can be touched by them as well.

I can't wait for my journey to get underway!!