About Me

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Caledonia, Northern Illinois, United States
I am a Thirty-Something mother of four beautiful girls. My love for them, and the joy I've experienced during this crazy ride called motherhood, has inspired me to help make the dream of a family become a reality for couples through gestational surrogacy. I've proudly helped A&T, as their lives were forever changed when they welcomed a son in April 2010 and K&S were blessed as parents in Sept 2012 when we welcomed their twin boys. I completed my final surrogacy journey Nov 2015 when I helped a wonderful local couple J&W and Big Brother add their family with the birth of twin boys. I am so very fortunate to have wonderful relationships with each one of my surro-families and continue to share in their lives.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

How Do You Do It?

To go along with K's entry, and her comment about answering questions - I thought I'd add a little of my own perspective.  Specifically answering how surrogates do what they do and how it makes us feel.  There have been several similar posts in the surro blog-world as of late, I even shared one here not too long ago.  Of course my post is based on my own personal experience but, I think it's safe to say that many of the other surrogates out there feel the same way.  So here it goes and sorry in advance as I know this will be kinda long. 

A quick little history to answer the "Why?".  I gave birth to our fourth daughter when I was in my late 20's and my husband and I are very happy with our family, it felt complete. Although I had no desire to have more children, I didn't feel like I was done with the child bearing years of my life, especially since many of my close friends were just starting their families. Was I ever excited to learn that I could help another couple have the family they so much desired through surrogacy. So, with my husband’s blessing, I decided to pursue surrogacy and it soon became my passion.

So how does one emotionally prepare themselves for surrogacy?  Of course the goal of the journey is a baby but that is not the entire journey.  The journey becomes about the parents-to-be and their wish to have that baby. 

My experience was like that of most gestational carriers, I was never attached to Baby G however, I was attached to my IPs and their dream. It’s the same this time around. I feel these two babies move inside of me and my mind instantly drifts to K&S and how very excited they are to welcome these lil guys. My thoughts are consumed with their future as a family and never for a second what my future would be like if they were mine.

Even after delivery with all the hormones and such I never had a sad emotional moment, even in private - the only tears I had were those of joy. The surros that I do know that have struggled a bit afterwards always say, it's not about the baby going home but more about the dramatic journey climax of birth - to then being done. Like the feeling you get on your wedding day, all that planning and preparation and then BAM it's over! I think the fact that I had the honor of providing breast milk for Giovanni for 16 weeks was a big factor in me not experiencing that "low". It helped me continue to feel needed, to feel useful and still have a purpose. By the time I stopped pumping I was four months postpartum and ready to refresh and renew myself and refocus my full attention and energy on my own family. Of course that was somewhat short lived since I was matched with K&S just a couple of months later. Surrogacy is addicting and you don't see too many GSx1 - many go on to have another journey or two.  
When people question how it must feel to "give back" (not give away) a baby you've carried for 9 months I compare the experience to one that many parents can identify with - the role of the childcare provider which, I seem to know a thing or two about.  ;)   I love, nurture and care for my daycare kiddos in their parents absence. I focus hours of attention on them each week, they are very special to me BUT I am more than happy to have their parents come get them at the end of the day!!!! I have never for a second thought to myself, "Oh I just wish I could keep my daycare child, it's going to be so hard when their parents pick them up". NEVER! I have four already, I. do. not. want. more! 

I'll admit too, I love the attention of pregnancy and surrogacy. I love sharing it with anyone who will listen to me ramble on - it makes me feel fulfilled and happy with who I am. It benefits me emotionally and my family's financial future has benefited from it as well. 
Another thing that makes the experience of carrying another's child special and rewarding - having wonderful IPs.  K mentioned how lucky she is to have found me but I am just as lucky to have found her and S and for that matter A&T as well.  I've been so fortunate to have amazing couples that value me and my family and who trust me and respect me.  Not every surro has that close relationship with their IPs, I see it all the time in the surrogacy community and, I never want to take for granted how very lucky I've been.  It's that closeness that makes the experience of being a surrogate so special.  Just this weekend A&T came for a visit and as much as I love seeing Giovanni, what I love even more is seeing them as a family. It makes my heart full. I do like a hug and a cuddle now and then but the real joy comes from knowing not only did I have a part in bringing that lil guy into this world, I had a part in creating their happiness.

 It's an incredible experience that not everyone could do and I feel so very blessed that I have this special "gift" that I can pass along.


tasha said...

Very nice post! I feel like you took the thoughts right out of my head. :)

Jennifer said...

Very well said, my friend! Our journeys have been a mirror of each other (to some degree), and while I didn't have to experiences some of your lows, I got to be a part of them, and hopefully a support! I too have the joy of having wonderful IP's and a close relationship with them, and for that, I am truly thankful. Words cannot express my gratitude to them, for allowing me the opportunity to care for their precious little girls for the 9 months I had them. But the biggest joy was the moment they held that precious baby in their arms :) Simply no words.... Love you girl!!!